


Lifeline

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: Lifeline [1]
Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, They're both a mess, healing each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-04 13:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13365573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: After Adam gets captured, he and Jaz help each other through the nightmares. (Future fic that diverges from canon after 1X10.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Future fic, but there are also spoilers for 1X10.

_**Then** :_

_She'd told them everything._

_The cameras were on her, the crowd screaming for her blood, but Jaz was numb to all of it. She'd failed them all, her team and her country and Top most of all, and she deserved whatever pain came her way. She felt empty, broken, and as she was pushed down to her knees all she could do was send up one last prayer to a supreme being she'd never believed in — let D.C. have pulled them already. Let them have made it out._

_If they hadn't, she'd just signed all their—_

_"Jaz."_

_Top's quiet voice sliced through the nightmare like a knife, the warmth of his hand on her arm an anchor to the world outside it. Jaz grabbed hold of both, letting them pull her up and out of the hell inside her head._

_She opened her eyes to the muted light of the team's common room, focusing on Top's worried face. He tried to pretend he wasn't, but she'd spent too long staring at him the last few years not to notice the cracks in it. He was sitting on the edge of the couch she'd stretched out on, hand still on her arm, and she let herself just look at him for a moment before she let out a breath. "Thanks."_

_His expression eased, just a little. "Any time." He let go of her arm, but didn't move away as she sat up. "Did you fall asleep out here?"_

_Jaz shrugged. "Guess my body caught me in a sneak attack." It was a lie — she'd come out here on purpose, knowing that Top would be more likely to notice her nightmares out here than in her room. Nothing could pull her out of them faster than he could._

_But she wasn't about to tell him that._

_Top's expression eased a little more. "They do that, sometimes." Then he was silent, studying her face, and Jaz braced herself for the kind of conversations the Army psychologist kept trying to get her to have. Top was a thousand times better at getting her to talk than the headshrinker had been, but somehow that only made it worse._

_When he did finally speak, however, Jaz realized she should have known better. "Poker, or are you finally going to let me teach you gin rummy?"_

_Jaz's throat tightened at the offer. "Don't you want to go back to sleep?"_

_He shrugged, the same way she had. "Plenty of time for that later."_

_It should have been more surprising than it was when her lips curved upward, the warmth in her chest chasing away the last lingering traces of the nightmare's darkness. "You know gin rummy is an old lady's game, right?"_

_He smiled back at her. "Hey, don't knock old ladies. My grandma could kick some serious ass."_  
  
**Now:**

Jaz had hated even the thought of hospitals during her physical therapy, but right now she'd never been so grateful to be in one. She was, technically, part of Top's protection detail, though the rest of the team had kindly refrained from mentioning that she'd been here through all their shifts as well. A brief nap, stolen on one of the nurses' cots, was all the sleep the nightmares normally allowed her to have anyway.

She could only imagine how many more nightmares she'd have now.

Right now, though, that was the last thing Jaz was worried about. Even asleep and pumped full of pain medication, Top's expression was too tense. She didn't dare touch him yet, on the off chance he was just sleeping lightly, but in her heart she knew that wasn't it. The nightmares would be coming for him, if they weren't there already.

Her jaw tightened at the memory of the people who had given him those nightmares. The Grey Wolves hadn't been on the U.S.'s active monitoring lists, since their last confirmed attack was in the mid-90s, but the Turkish nationalist group was apparently active enough to kidnap an American soldier for the crime of looking a little too American. They'd pulled him off the street during their down time, an entire team for one man, and if he thought the team was ever letting him go out into the city alone again he had another thing coming.

They had him 16 hours, but the cell's goal had been punishment rather than information. Best guess from D.C. was that they'd planned to leave his body somewhere to prove a point.

Though they'd left a few members of the cell alive to be interrogated, everyone who'd touched Top directly was dead now. Jaz had made sure of it, even though she knew that wouldn't be enough to stop the nightmares.

Just then, Top suddenly flinched in his sleep. He made a small, pained sound as he turned his head away, the strain in his neck muscles visible even in the low light, and Jaz was up out of her chair and by his side in an instant. "Top," she murmured, hand on his shoulder. "Top."

But it didn't get through. Top only flinched away again, making a small angry noise, and Jaz moved her hand to the side of his face. "Captain." Still nothing, and Jaz swallowed back the feeling of failure. If she couldn't save him the way he'd always saved her, then what good was she?

He turned his head to the other side, trapping her hand, and he breathed something that sounded suspiciously like "please." Newly determined, she leaned in close to his ear. "Adam," she whispered, right up against the shell. "You're here. You're safe." She leaned her forehead against his hair, heart breaking all over again. "Please wake up."

He opened his eyes with a gasp. Jaz pulled back, knowing she was too close, but kept a hand on his shoulder as his eyes focused on her. "Jaz." His voice sounded like someone had taken a blender to his throat, but what Jaz focused on was the relief that slowly flooded his face. "Where am I?"

"Local hospital." She didn't dare squeeze his shoulder — she didn't want to risk hurting him any more — but she couldn't stop her thumb from stroking a little bit. "We background checked the staff all to hell and we have guards posted. You'll be safe until we can get you back to the base."

He closed his eyes. "And the cell?"

"Dead or being interrogated as we speak." She fought hard to keep her own anger out of her voice, knowing he didn't need it. "I can get you the details, if you want."

He shook his head, opening his eyes with a pained look that had nothing to do with his physical injuries. "I was an idiot."

"No." She moved her head just enough so she could meet his gaze directly. "You were outnumbered."

He let out a breath, but she knew from personal experience that there was no acquiescence in it. When he immediately tried to change the subject, it wasn't surprising at all. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

She smiled a little. "You know I don't really do that these days." Making herself let go of him, she sat back down in the chair next to the bed and grabbed the Turkish celebrity magazine she left on the floor. "I wasn't sure you'd be up for gin rummy, but I am prepared to tell you all about the winners of this year's Golden Butterfly Awards and whether or not Cansu Dere and Engin Akyurek are actually dating."

He hesitated for a moment, watching her face, then let out a breath. "Sure." He smiled a little. "But see if you can find something good in there. If no one's even thrown a punch, then what's the point?"

Jaz's smile widened, the tightness in her chest finally easing as she flipped through the magazine. "I'll see what I can do."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I stated in the summary, this diverges from canon after 1X10.

_**Then:** _

_"You're not sleeping."_

_Adam didn't look up from what he was reading, but he tensed at the complete lack of question in McG's voice. Damn it, he thought he was hiding it better than that. "Right now? No."_

_"You know that's not what I mean." McG's tone was absolutely serious, clearly in full "team medic" mode as he sat down in the empty chair across from Adam. "How many hours a night have you slept these last couple of weeks? Or were even in bed?"_

_He looked around, deeply grateful no one else was in earshot before focusing on McG. "Enough." The Mythbusters had done an episode once about how well you could get by with cat naps, a fact that anyone who'd been out in the field long enough already knew. You could keep it going for months, if you had to, and still get the job done. "You think I'm slipping?"_

_McG narrowed his eyes at him. "Don't be an ass. I'm not questioning your superpowers. I'm doing my job as team medic and trying to keep my captain from running himself into the ground."_

_Hell, he couldn't argue with that. Even though he really, really wanted to. "I'm fine." McG shot him a skeptical look, and Adam's gaze escaped back down to the book. "The one you should be worried about is Jaz, not me."_

_"I do worry about Jaz. Unfortunately for you, I can also multitask like a champ." He sensed McG leaning forward. "And honestly? The fact that you're trying to pretend it's not happening is only making me more worried."_

_Adam looked up at that, seeing only honest concern in McG's eyes. He sighed, feeling like an ass. "I'm monitoring it, okay? I won't let it affect a mission."_

_McG made a frustrated noise. "I told you, that's not what I'm worried about." His expression shifted, the sudden empathy in it making Adam's chest hurt. "I get that you're trying to take care of her. Believe me, we're all glad about it. But you can't let it eat you up."_

_Adam had no idea what to say to that. He should probably be relieved that was what it looked like from the outside, and not that he'd gone in to check on her that first time because he'd needed to prove to himself that she was still there. Since they'd gotten her back, his nightmares had been as full of Jaz bleeding and dying as hers had undoubtedly been._

_Every time he woke her up out of a nightmare, he was saving himself just as much as he was saving her._

_"Top." McGee's voice was gentle. "Talk to me. Doctor's orders."_

_There was no chance of him avoiding this completely. Knowing he had to give McG something, Adam leaned forward. "Being there for Jaz isn't what's eating me up," he said quietly, meeting McG's gaze. "It's what's keeping me functional."_

_There was a flash of surprise on McG's face, then a level of understanding that suggested he saw a hell of a lot more than Adam wanted him to. After a beat, he nodded and pushed his chair back. "You might want to think about telling her that," he said finally, standing up._

_Adam's chest constricted. He'd told himself a thousand times he had no right to get in Jaz's way, and that was only more true now. You didn't hurt someone who mattered to you, no matter what the benefit was for you._ _He met McG's gaze. "I'll take that under consideration."_

_McG's expression made it clear they both knew he was lying. With a wry final nod, he left._  
  
**Now:**

They wanted to rotate him home early for physical therapy, but luckily Patricia helped him make his refusal stick. The specialists on base were as good as any he'd find stateside, if not better, and the idea of trying to put himself back together alone sent chills through him. There was nothing for him back there, not with his team in Turkey.

Still, he was a hell of a long way from being cleared for duty, which meant that he was alone sometimes whether he wanted to be or not. He mostly tried not to sleep at all during those nights, no matter how bad an idea it was, but his body usually had other ideas.

_Whether they were beating him, cutting him or burning him, in his nightmares they always ended up turning into his father. He was as helpless as he'd been in the warehouse, as helpless as he'd been as a child, and just like always all he could do was close his eyes and take the pain as it rained down on him._

_"You stupid, good for nothing piece of shit." No matter how long he'd been dead, Adam could still remember his father's voice as if he'd heard it yesterday. "It's your own fucking fault you're going to die here, you—"_

"Adam." Jaz's voice, and the soft touch of fingers on his cheek, pulled him out of the nightmare as surely as a hand yanking him upward. A part of him always listened for her now, even in the nightmares where she was dead.

He opened his eyes, turning to stare at her in the dim light. She smiled at him, settling back against the couch. "Just a warning, Amir and McG are going to need you to settle a bet in the morning. I'm not going to tell you what it is, because I know I'm going to treasure the look on your face when you find out, but I want points for giving you at least a little bit of warning."

He couldn't hear the rest of the team, which must mean they'd gotten back long enough ago that they'd all managed to drop into bed. Jaz had changed into sleep clothes as well, but the hand-held gaming system on the arm of the couch made it clear she hadn't been sleeping. Instead, she'd made sure she was right next to him if he needed her.

Adam's throat closed up at the thought, and he swallowed past it as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "Why aren't you trying to sleep?"

She gave him a look that suggested he was being a little bit slow. "Because you were asleep. You know we do that shit in shifts now." She picked up the game again. "Besides, I slept on the chopper."

He scrubbed his hands across his face. "No, you didn't."

She made an exasperated noise. "Fine, I didn't. My luck, I would have smacked Preach in the nose when I came flailing out of whatever nightmare I was having, and he would have gone all Zen on me."

Adam's chest tightened again as he watched her face. "I thought you were having fewer nightmares," he said quietly.

She sighed. "I had been." He had no idea what flashed across his face at that, but it was enough to make her narrow her eyes at him. "Stop. No guilt. It's annoying, this late at night."

He made his expression clear, but it didn't chase away any of the emotions. "If helping me with my nightmares digs your trauma back up, you shouldn't do it."

Now the look she shot him was too complicated for him to read. "Yeah, I'm sure that's what's happening." When he opened his mouth again, she poked him in the leg before he could say anything. "I said stop. This isn't the job, which means I don't do anything I don't want to do." She looked him in the eye, utterly serious. "I'm exactly where I want to be."

The problem was, this was exactly where he wanted her to be, too.

Clearing his throat before he did something stupid, he held his hand out. "Give me the game. You get some sleep, and I'll see if I can beat your high score."

She grinned at him, handing it over, and curled up on the couch. "Good luck with that," she murmured, eyes already drifting closed.

He watched her fall asleep, more certain than ever that he was in trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked me how long it was between Jaz's capture and Adam's capture, and my best guess is about a month or so. Maybe a little longer than that, but not much.

**_Then:_ **

_They were outside tonight, in their usual chairs by the fire while the rest of the team slept inside. At some point, their chairs had ended up scooted right next to each other, a state of affairs Jaz was pretty sure was her fault. If Ad— Top wasn’t going to say anything about it, though, she certainly wasn’t._

_(She never called him Adam, not even inside her head. She needed every reminder not to slip that she could get, especially now when it was getting so much harder not to.)_

_They’d been staring up at the stars in companionable silence, but she could tell when Top’s expression had shifted from his “communing with nature” face to his “wrestling with how to say something” face. “Spill,” she said easily, no longer feeling like she had to brace herself when he tried to get her to talk._

_He sighed, turning to look at her. “You know there’s no time limit on talking to someone, right?” he said finally. “I know a guy. He’s good at what he does.”_

_She shot him a wry look. “That suggests you actually talked to him.”_

_“I did.” A dark memory flashed across Top’s face, and for a heartbeat he was a million miles away. Jaz held her breath, wanting to take the words back, but then he boxed it away and focused on her again with an understanding look. “We all need help for different reasons, Jaz. There’s no shame in it.”_

_She watched his face, far more dear to her than it should have been. “I talk to you,” she said finally, voice quiet. Only bits of the knot inside her had slipped out over the last few weeks, the first of them in the truck as they were getting her out, but his answer had always been enough to help her untangle the mess herself. She’d already been cleared for duty, and eventually her brain would be settled enough on what happened that the nightmares would go, too._

_And when they did, she’d lose moments like this. That, she could never truly brace herself for._

_He smiled self-depreciatingly. “While I am an excellent conversationalist, I’m not exactly a professional.” Then his expression gentled. “I know how hard it is to ask for help, Jaz. I just want to make sure you get what you need.”_

_What she needed? Jaz let out a breath. Her whole life, she’s thought of “need” in terms of absolute survival, like she’d been dropped in the middle of enemy territory the day she was born. She’d never known anything but fighting – against a father who’d hated her for not being a boy, against a neighborhood for her refusal to fit any of the boxes they’d tried to force her into, against a system who tried to keep her from doing what she loved just because of a few body parts._

_Even her mother, the only one who’d ever occasionally been on her side, hadn’t been able to really love her. Her own life had been nothing but an endless fight, and by the time Jaz had come along all the softness had been burned out of her. For a long time, Jaz thought that she herself just hadn’t been born with any._

_Then she’d found the team, and for the first time in her life she could stop fighting for a few minutes. Elijah, McG, Preach, and later Amir were the siblings she’d never had, their teasing affection giving her the first true sense of what home must be like for other people. She never had the words to tell them, but they were a gift._

_And Top…. It was better, actually, that she didn’t have the words to describe what he was to her. The quiet moments between them had always been precious to her, and when she could inspire that teasing light in his eyes it felt sweeter than any victory. She was drawn to him, the same way a compass needle always knew how to find north, pulled by the softness inside her she would have sworn hadn’t existed. For him, she could be tender._

_Not that she would ever get the chance. It was ironic as hell that the only CO she’d ever had who didn’t see her as a woman first was the only one she’d ever wanted to have see her as a woman._

_Instead of letting any of that slip out and screw everything up between them, she just smiled. “I’ve got everything I need.” She turned back to the sky. “Now, show me where Taurus was again? He seemed cool.”_

_Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Top’s lips curve upward a little as he reached up a hand to point out the stars._

 

**Now:**

Jaz had been expecting McG to corner her for awhile, so it was no surprise when he arranged it so that the two of them were alone in the kitchen area. He leaned against the counter while she was making a sandwich, expression serious. “How do we help?”

She put on another slice of cheese before looking up at him. “You do help me. All of you.” It was true. The nights were Adam’s (she’d given up the fight to not call him that in her head, no matter how dangerous it was) but during daylight hours the entire team had her back. Whether it was silent support or a distraction from her thoughts, they’d all been unfailingly there for her with whatever she needed.

McG smiled a little. “And we’ll keep doing that, but you’re not who I was talking about.” His expression turned solemn again, the same way it always did when he saw pain he didn’t know how to help. “You need to tell us what we can do for Top.”

She went still at that, the same kind of breathless quiet she always felt just before she took a shot. “Shouldn’t we be asking you that, as team medic?” she asked carefully, all of her awareness on McG even as she went back to methodically assembling her sandwich. “Or Preach. He’s got that whole team counselor thing going on.”

McG gave her a look that made it clear he knew she was full of shit. “Yeah, and every time we try to talk to him about it he tells us he’s doing ‘just fine,’” he said wryly. “We’d kind of like to know the actual truth.”

Jess’s chest squeezed tight, the sensation sudden enough to hurt. Adam had told her a few things about what was going on inside him, the same fragments of thoughts she’d handed him during her recovery, but their conversations had always had an unspoken sense of sacred confidence about them. She couldn’t betray that, even to someone as close to both of them as another member of the team. Even if she’d been worried about Adam, which she wasn’t, she’d find another way to get the team’s help.

McG’s expression gentled, too much understanding in his eyes. “We’re not trying to get in your way, Jaz. But he’s ours, too, even if it’s not in the same way. Let us be there for him.”

Jaz swallowed. She’d known, intellectually, that the rest of the team had some idea of how she felt about Adam. Before they’d both been taken, she’d planned on denying it as long and hard as she had to.

Now, she let out a breath, pressing her hands firmly against the counter to keep them from shaking. “His physical therapy,” she said finally, looking back up at McG with a seriousness she could feel down to the depths of her soul. “He wants to be cleared for duty, bad, and there’s a big chance he’s pushing himself harder than he should. You can watch for that better than anyone else.”

She had no right at all to do this, to talk about Adam and what he needed like he really was hers. But McG just nodded, like he’d gotten the exact intel he needed, and pushed himself away from the counter. “Preach and Amir might ask you, too,” he told her. “Might be a good idea to have an answer ready for them, just in case.”

After he left, it took far longer than it should have for her hands to steady again.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Then:_ **

_Before Jaz had joined the team, back when “Top” had been an accurate reflection of his rank, Preach always tried inviting him home whenever they were back stateside. He went sometimes, particularly during team barbeques – Preach was a good man, but he had too much patience to properly finesse a grill – but always said no during major holidays._

_“Listen, your family knows we take you away from them often enough.” Adam kept his voice gentle, knowing that Preach’s offer had come from a place of kindness.  Someone like him could never imagine spending the holidays alone, and naturally didn’t want anyone else to experience it, either. “No way they’re gonna want to see my face one of the few times you’ll actually be home for Christmas.”_

_“My family knows it’s my sense of duty that takes me away from them, and that my love for them is what brings me back.” Preach’s voice was as serene and sure as it always was when he said stuff like that, a thousand miles away from the angry shouting the preachers always seemed to do when he’d been dragged to church as a kid. “And they’ll have no problem with your face, because it comforts them to know I have a Master Sergeant that takes such good care of me.”_

_There wasn’t even a trace of sarcasm in Preach’s voice, and even now it was enough to make Adam hesitate a little. Sure, there’d been some uncertainty among the rest of the team when a Navy SEAL had been dropped into what had previously been a strictly Army-staffed Special Forces unit, but it had been Preach himself who’d won the Captain and everyone else over. Adam hadn’t really done anything at all._

_Rather than risk bringing what was now a very old argument back up, Adam cleared his throat. “That doesn’t mean the girls want me hogging the gravy. Besides, you’d have to give everyone extra presents to make up for the fact you dragged my ass home with you, and you know how awful last-minute shopping can be.”_

_Preach just gave him a long, steady look that made it clear the other man could see right through him. “Now how about you tell me the real reason,” he said quietly, no judgment in the words._

_What was Adam supposed to say to that? He hadn’t even been lying, really – the fact that he was alone didn’t give him the right to intrude on anyone else’s family time, especially when a borrowed family never ended up feeling like yours, anyway.  Some people just didn’t get families. That was the way life was._

_Besides, it was probably better for everyone if Adam kept a little space between himself and the rest of the world._

_Rather than say any of that, though, Adam gave Preach his best “you don’t have to worry about me” smile. “Okay, I’ll admit it – it’s the wontons at Wok Heaven. Mr. Lee always gives me extra when I order on Christmas, and I’d hate to pass that up.”_

_Preach sighed, shaking his head. “Whatever you say, my friend.” He clapped Adam on the shoulder. “Have a good Christmas.”_

_Adam nodded, hiding the rush of relief he suddenly felt. “You too, man. Have an extra Christmas cookie for me.”_

_Preach smiled a little. “I think I can manage that.” Then his expression turned wryly amused as he tapped a finger against Adam’s chest. “One of these days, someone’s going to make it all the way in there, whether you want them to or not. When they do, it’s going to be the best and most terrifying thing that will ever happen to you.”_

_Then he left, leaving Adam trying to decide whether Preach had meant that as a threat or not._

 

**Now:**

They were back on the couch, a set amount of space between them that was both desperately necessary and made him itch to cross it. It was one more reminder of how dangerous all this was, and that if he were a better person he would stop this before he said something that did irreparable damage to both their friendship and working relationship. If nothing else, he was sure it was his nightmares that had kicked hers back up in the first place. Being left to his was only fair.

But, selfishly, he didn’t want to let this go yet.

That night, Jaz must have picked up on the fact that he was having an internal debate of some kind. “Have you thought about talking to that guy you know?” she asked lightly, voice light even as she watched his face. “If nothing else, it would stop the docs from asking you the question every week.”

He watched her face in return, wanting to know where the question had come from. “Worried about me?” he asked, voice as light as hers had been.

“Always.” The answer was immediate and utterly sincere, without any undertones that would have turned it into a critique, and it was enough to make his throat go tight. He was grateful when she continued in a more wryly amused tone. “But if you’re asking whether I’m worried you’re about to crack, the answer is no. I know you too well for that.”

Adam’s chest hurt. That same selfish part of him wanted more than anything for that to be true, to truly be the man he was when it was just him and Jaz alone like this, but he had a terrible feeling that was an impossible dream.

He let out a breath. “I think several of the shrinks I’ve talked to over the years would probably disagree with you. Cycle of violence and all that.”

“They’re wrong.” That same utter sincerity, but this time he didn’t deserve it.

He swallowed. It was better, that she knew. It might even solve the problem, whether he wanted it to or not. “Back before I joined the team, I ... kind of went on a vengeance run for awhile. Like, cut people’s throats, dream about cutting off their heads kind of vengeance run.” He said all this with his gaze fixed on the opposite wall, watching Jaz out of the corner of his eye. When she flinched a little at the phrase “cutting off their heads,” he felt like the worst sort of person. “I’m sorry.” He moved to stand up, give her the distance from him he was sure she needed. “I shouldn’t have—”

“No.” She grabbed his wrist to stop him, sounding appalled at the turn the conversation had taken rather than horrified at him. “That’s not what I meant.” When he turned, surprised, she looked almost embarrassed. “I didn’t flinch at you. I flinched...” She took a deep breath. “When I was taken, they tried to convince me that the rest of the team had been captured trying to rescue me. They showed me a picture of someone who was supposed to be you, dead.”

Pain flashed across her face. Adam slowly sat back down, eyes never leaving hers, as she continued. “I told them I didn’t believe it, because if they’d really killed you they would have brought me your head.” She swallowed. “They do, sometimes. In my nightmares.”

Appalled at himself for an entirely different reason, now, Adam leaned forward and took her other hand in his. “If they had, if anything like that _ever_ happens, it would be because of choices _I_ made.” He kept his gaze locked with hers, trying to make her believe what he was saying through sheer force of will. “It wouldn’t have been your fault. No matter what the circumstances were.”

Her jaw set. “If I hadn’t—”

“No.” He squeezed her hand. “You did your job – you stayed alive until I could get to you. If I hadn’t done my job and stayed alive long enough to get you out, that wouldn’t have been on anybody but me.”

She blinked hard at that, eyes suddenly wet. “Are you listening to yourself right now?”

His brow lowered. “I’m serious, Jaz.”

“I know you are.” She smiled suddenly. “I just don’t know how you can hear yourself say things like that and not realize what a genuinely good man you are.” She squeezed his hand, expression turning serious again. “No matter how much darkness there is in you, there’s also a hell of a lot of light.”

Adam stared at her, three words he never thought he’d say as an adult rising up so fast he had to physically bite his tongue to hold them back. He swallowed, voice a little rough when he dared speak again. “You know you’re not supposed to turn it around on me like that when I’m trying to comfort you, right?”

Her smile returned as she patted his arm, the spark in her eyes all the light he’d ever needed. “A little challenge is good for you.”


	5. Chapter 5

**_Then:_ **

_Jaz glared at the darkened ceiling above her bed, ordering herself to sleep. The nightmares were only happening about once a night, now, though her body had gotten so used to the naps that she woke up regularly anyway. Top, thankfully, didn't seem to have noticed yet._

_But it wasn't fair to him to steal his sleep only to keep his company, so she'd decided to cut herself off and force herself back into her old sleep pattern. Her bed was more comfortable than the couch, or the chairs outside, and with Adam safely in his own bed she wouldn't have anything tempting her to stay awake. She'd told herself it wouldn't take long for her body to reset itself._

_Except that she'd been in bed for four hours at this point, and hadn't managed to fall asleep for longer than 15 minutes at a time. She'd yet to get far enough in the sleep cycle for nightmares to even have a chance of getting her, jerking awake at every tiny sound to the point that she was tempted to smother herself just to finally shut her brain off._

_The hell of it was, she knew exactly what she was listening for. Every fiber of her being wanted Top to be out in the common area waiting for her, awake for whatever reason and needing the company. Needing her company, even though it was no longer his duty._

_Damn it, she missed him._

_Squeezing her eyes shut, she turned on her side and curled her fingers into fists. She knew better than anyone that you didn't get good things forever. Hell, you mostly didn't get them at all, so she needed to suck it up and be grateful for the time she had with him. If she was stupid about it, she'd lose a friendship that meant more to her than pretty much anything._

_She just wished that she could put the part of her heart that dreamed of more back to sleep again. It had been safely silent for years, and if she could just—_

_Her eyes flew open at the sound of footsteps in the darkness, moving quietly toward the common room. She held her breath as whoever it was moved past her, straining to listen for any sign of who it could possibly be, but the person moved too quietly to give her any clue. It could be any of the guys, up for any number of reasons. The smart thing to do would be to stay in bed and not worry about it._

_She was out of bed at the first small sound from the kitchen area, padding in silently enough not to wake anyone else up. Top was standing at the counter, staring down at one of Preach's tea mixes like he was willing himself to drink it, and Jaz's heart threatened to leap out of her chest like the useless idiot it was._

_She resisted the urge to press a hand to her chest, as if that would be enough to hold the damn thing in place. "Hey."_

_Adam went still at the sound of her voice, then inhaled in a way Jaz only imagined was a little unsteady. When he looked up a second later, the smile on his face was warm and real enough to make her forget anything as unreliable as imagination. "Want some tea?" He held up the box with an exaggerated skeptical expression. "Preach swears this one tastes better than some of the other mixes he's tried to foist on us."_

_He'd been up before she was, which meant that he must genuinely not be able to sleep. It meant she could have this, at least one more night, without being selfish._

_"He does, huh?" She smiled at him, stepping all the way into the kitchen. "Let's see if he's right."_

 

**Now:**

For all his size, Preach was surprisingly good at sneaking up on people. He just loomed so quietly you didn't know he was there until it was too late to avoid whatever profound life wisdom he felt you desperately needed.

Sometimes it helped, though, if you headed him off at the pass. "Are you checking on Adam or me?" she asked, not looking up from the carefully disassembled gun she was cleaning. "Because if it's Adam, he's still a little stir crazy about the physical therapy but it helps that he's getting closer to done. He knows he'll have to see a shrink to get cleared to return to duty, but I honestly think he doesn't need more than that. And as for me, I'm getting plenty of sleep. No need to worry about me."

When he didn't say anything, she glanced up at him. Preach was standing there watching her, a faintly amused expression on his face that suggested he was proud of her for trying but it hadn't quite worked out as well as she hoped. When she scowled at that, his smile widened and he sat down in the chair across from her. “It’s good to know about Adam, and I have every confidence in your ability to look after your own physical needs.” He leaned forward slightly. “What I was _actually_ going to ask you, though, is what you feel the next step might be.”

Jaz went still, eying Preach warily. “With Adam’s recovery process?” she asked carefully, already sure that wasn’t the answer. Preach never bothered asking questions people actually knew how to answer.

Preach’s expression gentled. “I mean with what’s going on between the two of you.”

Jaz flinched. She didn’t lie about it anymore, at least not to them, but that didn’t mean she wanted to _talk_ about it. “He’ll get better, the nightmares will go away, and things’ll go back to the way they were before.” She kept her eyes focused on the parts in front of her, grateful that Adam was at physical therapy and safely away from this conversation. “And if you try to ask Adam that question, rest assured I will knock you unconscious when you least expect it.”

“No need,” Preach said quietly, voice more solemn than it had been. “I already know what his answer would be.”

Jaz flinched again. She knew what Adam’s answer would be, too, and the kindness in it would probably kill her. “Then there’s nothing to talk about.”

She could feel Preach still watching her, not moving. “That the answer you’re happy with?” he asked finally, a trace of challenge in his voice. “Keeping your career safe?”

Jaz’s jaw tightened as she shot him her fiercest glare, the anger rising up inside her. Damn him for making it sound like this was something she was _choosing_. “Keeping my _friendship_ safe,” she snapped, careful not to pick up another piece yet. The way she was feeling right now, she’d probably bend it without meaning to. “I know damn well he’s just being kind to me. I’m not an idiot.”

Surprise flashed across Preach’s face, and when it was gone his expression settled somewhere between relief and sadness. “I genuinely apologize,” he said quietly, the sincerity in his voice enough to throw her. “You know him better than anyone else. I assumed you knew this, too, and had just decided you didn’t want to see it.”

Something inside Jaz’s chest twisted, hard. There was only one thing he could possibly be implying, and it was cruel of him. “Don’t you dare try to tell me he’s secretly in love with me.” It wasn’t possible. She just... wasn’t the type of person people fell in love with. Her own parents hadn’t managed it.

With someone like Adam... there was no chance. She’d known that from the beginning.

Preach’s expression only got sadder, like he was only barely resisting the urge to hug her. “He’ll never say it first,” he continued gently. “He can’t, because of your respective ranks and who he is as a person. The man is far too good at suffering in silence.” He reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “Which is why it’s so telling that he keeps reaching out for you.”

Jaz’s eyes stung, chest aching like someone had kicked it. “It’s just because he knows I owe him.”

Preach smiled a little. “You ever ask yourself why a man who sleeps as deeply as Adam does was always awake, right when you needed him?” At her surprised expression, his smile widened. “Maybe you should do that.”

He stood up, leaving as quietly as he’d come in.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Then:_ **

_If they'd been out on a mission, Adam wouldn't have even considered going out alone. But this was Incirlik, as close to neutral ground as anything was when they were out on tour, and he hadn't given a second thought to a quick trip into the city by himself._

_Especially when the need was this urgent. He’d kept Jaz awake for three nights now, stealing the sleep that the nightmares had finally started giving back to her. She hadn’t asked about it, yet, but he knew it was only a matter of time._

_It wasn’t even the nightmares he wasn’t supposed to be having that chased him from his bed – those had faded, as hers had, and he’d brutally silenced the part of himself that regretted the loss of her company. But sleep hadn’t been as easy to command, his entire body attuned to the smallest sound in the selfish, yearning hope that Jaz might need him again. That first night he’d given up, finally going into the kitchen area in the hopes of at least distracting himself, and when Jaz had suddenly appeared it felt like he’d been somehow granted a wish._

_But she’d never been his to keep, no matter how hard he wished it, which meant that he needed to figure out a way to shut his treacherous brain down without dragging her into it. Alcohol was out of the question, even if he'd been willing to go that route, since the amount needed to knock him out would leave him hampered if they were suddenly called out for a mission. But there were herbalists in town, and all of them swore they had the secret recipe for a restful, natural sleep. It was probably bullshit, he knew, but he’d been desperate._

_Not desperate enough, of course, to let anyone else come with him. Jaz might have been relieved that he wouldn’t be awake to bother her anymore, but she might have also seen it as an insult to the time she’d already devoted to keeping him company. The rest of the team would have seen far too much, asking questions he had no desire to answer._

_It had taken four armed men to grab him, and even then he’d left one of them bleeding to death out on the road. The Grey Wolves had been watching him for awhile, they told him later, seen him with his the rest of the team and decided he would be the perfect example to represent their hatred of the U.S.’s presence on the base. He was too pale, his hair too light, and they were going to punish him for the crimes of his entire country. The only reason he was still alive, Adam was sure, was because they'd hoped to torture him into saying anti-American things on camera._

_Mostly, he thought about Jaz. The moments he'd spent with her over the last month were a place for him to go when the pain got too bad. When he was a kid, he'd always gone away in his head whenever his dad had given him a beating, disassociating enough it felt like he was watching the pain instead of living it. Now, though, he focused only on her. If he didn't make it out of this, the image of her face would be the last thing he saw._

_She was saving him again, and she'd never even know it._

**Now:**

When Adam walked outside his physical therapy appointment, Amir was waiting for him with a bright, pleasant smile. Adam knew Amir well enough to be fully aware of just how dangerous that particular look was on that particular man, so he stopped where he was and narrowed his eyes at him. "Did you need something?"

Amir shrugged, everything about his posture suggesting he'd been out for a pleasant stroll and just happened to find himself in the area. "I thought you might appreciate the company on your way back to our quarters," he said, his voice just as pleasant as his smile.

Clearly, it was some kind of trap. As he was pretty sure there was no way to get out of it – he wasn't sure he was good enough to shake Amir at the best of times, let alone now – Adam sighed and accepted his fate. "Fine."

He started walking, Amir falling in step with him. They walked in silence, as if Amir had really been there just to keep him company, and the tension of waiting was driving Adam absolutely insane. Either he was testing a new form of torture, or he was priming Adam for a deeply uncomfortable conversation that would probably be about _feelings_. Either way, he wanted it over with _now_.

When Amir finally did speak, however, the topic was unexpected enough to completely throw him. "How much have I told you about my parents?"

Adam was so unprepared to answer that he actually hesitated in place for a moment. "Not much," he said finally, once he'd made himself start moving again. "I only really know what's in the files."

"I thought so." His lips curved a little again, but this time the expression was far too melancholy to be called a smile. "My father is a wonderful man, but a very private one. He feels things quite deeply, but it's only possible to see it if you know him well."

Adam nodded, thinking about what it must be like to love your father. To have inherited things from him you didn't hate.

At the nod, Amir continued. "After my sister," there was the briefest of abrupt pauses after the word, like it was a sentence he could never quite make himself completely finish, "everyone assumed he would withdraw. My mother was very open in her grief, and even friends believed her constant presence would be too painful for him."

"But it wasn't," Adam said quietly, able to read the direction of the story even though he wasn't quite sure why Amir was bringing it up.

Amir's expression eased a little, good memories clearly filtering in to join the sad ones. "I will never forget what he said when someone asked him why," he said quietly. "'My heart is broken, but she is the breath in my lungs. Being with her is not a matter of happiness or pain. It is a matter of survival.'"

Adam's chest clenched hard. The hell of it was, he knew _exactly_ what Amir's dad had been talking about. He cleared his throat, voice rough. "Why are you telling me this?"

Amir glanced over at Adam, expression pleasant again. "You and Jaz have been spending a lot of time together lately."

And there it was. Adam kept his eyes on the path in front of them, feeling far too raw to lie. "You don't have to worry." He swallowed. "I know it can't last. I won't screw anything up for her."

"You are too good a man, and a CO, not to be fully aware of the difficulties your respective ranks put you both in. I'm sure Jaz is fully aware as well." Amir's voice was gentle as he looked over at Adam again. "I'm not sure, however, that it will end up mattering to her."

The implication sent a stab of sharp, sweet pain through him. Amir could read people better than anyone, but apparently even he was wrong sometimes. "She's just trying to pay me back for being there through her nightmares." His throat felt like someone had run it over. "It doesn't mean anything."

"Maybe," Amir acknowledged. "But if you're wrong, all I ask is that you realize she's already assessed the risks for herself." He met Adam's eyes, expression kind. "Don't try so hard to protect her that you end up stealing the breath out of both of you."

Then he walked on ahead, leaving Adam alone with his thoughts.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Then:_ **

_Someone had Adam._

_There had been no satellites overhead, not here, but there were reports of a fight and a body at a local morgue. The NSA was analyzing the security footage they'd pulled from where the fight happened, the team in D.C. doing their best to trace the vehicle throughout the city, but all they had for certain so far was that it was the Grey Wolves. Intel on the group was thin, so Patricia was pulling in anyone and everyone trying to dig up whatever information she could._

_Jaz wanted to tear the city apart with her bare hands, even with Adam's reminder about the importance of waiting echoing in her thoughts. That didn't count when every second that ticked by was another second he was being tortured, trapped alone and in pain somewhere. Another second where he was waiting for them to come save him, and they didn't—_

_Jaz slammed her hand against the wall to stop the rest of the thought, eyes stinging as rage and self-recrimination battled it out inside her. She should have been_ with _him, should be with him now even if they hadn't been able to stop themselves from being taken. He'd pulled her out of hell, and now he was trapped in it and she was just standing—_

_She reared back to slam her hand against the wall again, but this time was stopped by a hand around her wrist. She whipped her head around, ready to snap at any reassurances Preach tried to offer, but it was Amir standing there. "Save it." His voice was low and intense, the sound of a man passing on survival advice in the middle of hell. "Save your anger at yourself, your anger at the people who took Top, and channel it all towards your goal. Right now, that's finding Top." His expression gentled, full of remembered sorrow. "It's not time to let go of him yet."_

_Jaz thought about Amir's sister, about people who never came home. Grief rose up, clogging her throat. "Amir." She swallowed, the pain in her chest making it hard to breathe. "What if—"_

_Thankfully, he didn't make her finish the sentence. "Then you kill them all," he said quietly. "And in Top's name, you make sure they can never hurt anyone else again."_

_Jaz swallowed again, then nodded. Her eyes burned with the tears she refused to shed, but she could feel the anger and pain inside her solidify into something stronger. "But it's not time to let go of him yet."_

_"No." Amir's voice was soft as he let her go. "It isn't."_

 

**Now:**

Jaz had already had her first nightmare of the night, finally making it to Adam only to have him die in her arms, which meant it was Adam's turn to try and get some rest. She was tucked up against the opposite corner of the couch, watching him sleep and trying her damnedest not to think about Preach's words from earlier.

_He'll never say it first. He can't._

It couldn't be true. Preach was happily married, a secret romantic to go along with all his stuff about spirituality, and he was seeing more there than there really was. Adam needed help, and she was there. That was all it was.

_The man is far too good at suffering in silence. Which is why it's so telling that he keeps reaching out for you._

What Preach didn't understand, though, was that _she_ was the one doing the reaching. Adam was just letting her. That was all.

Just then, she heard a pained noise from Adam that meant a nightmare had him. She leaned forward, ready to pull him out of it, but before she could touch him he turned his head toward her, still caught in the nightmare. "Jaz," he breathed, stopping her heart. "Jaz, no."

She froze, cold. Her heart clenched as she tried to imagine what he was seeing, whether she'd simply failed to save him or if she'd somehow betrayed him even more deeply than that.

Still, it would be a double betrayal to leave him in there now. She laid her hand against his cheek, voice rough with emotion. "Adam."

He opened his eyes a breath later, the tension melting out of him as he looked up at her. "Jaz." Then his gaze focused, concern flooding his face at whatever he saw in hers. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, not able to make herself let go of him. "For whatever I did in your nightmare, I'm so sorry."

He closed his eyes again, like the words hurt him, and he pulled away from her to lean forward. He scrubbed his hands across his face, elbows resting on his knees as he stared as his gaze fixed on an empty spot in front of him. "You died," he said quietly.

Jaz stared at him, stunned. "What?"

"I said you died," he said more loudly, sitting up straight again. He glanced over at her, then flinched a little and let his gaze escape back to that fixed point in the distance. "Tonight the Grey Wolves took you instead of me, and I found you just in time to have you die in my arms. Before I got taken, it was mostly endless variations of not being able to get you out of Tehran. Sometimes I watched you die in a grainy video, sometimes I died next to you." He let out a breath, closing his eyes again. "I preferred those."

Jaz's heart was pounding so loudly she was amazed he couldn't hear it. "Why didn't you say anything?" she asked, voice cracking a little.

Adam looked over at her with a soft, sad smile. "You didn't need that dropped on you." His gaze dropped to his hands, expression bleak again. "It would have been just another burden."

Jaz's eyes stung. That sounded like something she would say, if he'd asked her the same question. Different words, but the very same fears.

Were they coming from the same place?

Jaz swallowed, promising herself that she could kill Preach if he was wrong. But if he wasn't.... "It wouldn't have been a burden." It felt like someone had gone after her throat with a chainsaw. "It would have let me know that someone I love was worried about me."

There was a moment of perfect, frozen silence, an instant that felt like it lasted for eternity. Then Adam inhaled, like he'd just remembered to breathe, and looked at her with a mixture of such fear and hope that her eyes filled. "Almost all of my nightmares are about losing you, now," she whispered. "I've never felt this way about anyone before, and it scares the hell out of me."

"Me, too." His voice was rough as he wrapped his hand around hers, their gazes locked. "But you have to be _sure_ , Jaz. I'll let you take back all of this, right now, if you're not sure."

A relationship between the two of them would be in direct violation of the DoD's rules against fraternization, and they were both flirting with career suicide if they were caught. But from the sound of it, it was _her_ career he was worried about.

No wonder she loved him.

"I'm sure," she murmured, knowing he'd need the words. Then she leaned over and kissed him.

It was the kind of first kiss teenagers had in movies, soft and sweet and just a little hesitant. They pulled back to stare at each other, the awe she could see in Adam's eyes alight inside her own chest.

They both moved into the kiss this time, holding nothing back. She was drowning in warmth and light, her entire body thrumming to the beat of her heart, and as his arms came around her she finally understood what all those stupid love songs had really been trying to say.

When they broke apart this time, he pulled her against him as tightly as he could and buried his face against her neck. It was a hundred different hugs they hadn't been able to give each other, all at once, and she wrapped her arms around him just as hard.

"I love you," he breathed against her skin. "Even when I knew I shouldn't, I loved you so damn much."

Jaz squeezed her eyes shut, the words seeping into her soul as she pressed her lips against his hair. "Good," she whispered. "It wouldn't have been fair, otherwise."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A hug to everyone who reviewed this fic, and double that to everyone who reviewed more than once. It was a wild ride - I went from only being mildly interested in this show to marathoning the entire thing and having this fic attack me in less than a week - but you all helped keep me going.

**_Then:_ **

_The distant rumble of an explosion coming from somewhere upstairs was one of the best sounds Adam had ever heard. It meant his team was coming to get him._

_Still, the fact that he was dizzy from blood loss didn’t mean he could just sit here doing nothing. Most of the guys who’d been on him had run off to deal with the explosion, so he choked the last one out, took his gun, and stumbled out into the hallway. He didn’t dare go upstairs – he’d be worse than useless in a firefight, and possibly get one of the team hurt trying to watch his back – but there were what seemed like dozens tiny different rooms down here with the same doors. If he stayed out in the hallway, they wouldn’t have to go looking for him._

_Standing, however, took energy that would be better used for aiming. He braced himself so he could slide down to the floor without falling, leaning back against the wall so he wouldn’t end up flat on his face. The world lurched dangerously, his broken ribs sending knives of pain through his chest to protest all the moving he was doing, but that was okay. His team would be here soon, and if he just rested his eyes for a few minutes then he’d be…._

_That was the last he knew of anything until he heard Jaz shouting his name. He forced his eyes open just as she ran up, dropping to her knees beside him. “Guys, I found him – southernmost corridor, sub-level 3. McG, you need to get your ass over here now.” He could hear the shakiness in her voice as she took his face in her hands, looking him square in the eye. “Top, you gotta stay with me, okay? We’re gonna get you out of here, but you’ve got to hold on long enough to let us do that.”_

_“Yeah.” The word was barely a breath as he focused on her face, something that felt weirdly like relief unfolding inside his battered chest. He knew he wasn’t out of the woods yet – injuries could kill a man more slowly than a bullet, but just as effectively – but somehow with her there he felt safe. He didn’t have to hold on all on his own anymore. He could hold onto her. “Just keep talking to me.”_

_“I can do that.” The words were determined despite the thickness in her voice. “Patricia is absolutely going to kick your ass for scaring her like this, by the way. You’ll be damn lucky if she doesn’t fly out here to do it in person.”_

_He smiled a little, picturing it. “You’ll protect me.”_

_“I don’t think so.” She kept one hand on his face the whole time, tethering him in the moment. “You scared me bad enough that we’ll both be kicking your ass. We’ll have Amir hold our coats.”_

_“He’d do it, too.” He felt like he should apologize, somehow, but talking about his feelings was always harder than anything else and he couldn’t think well enough to find the words. Then he heard a sound from the room he’d left. “Jaz….”_

_“On it.” Still not letting go of him, she turned and fired three shots through the still-open door. He heard the sound of a body falling as she turned back to him, the intensity of her gaze suggesting she was trying to hold him here by sheer force of will. “You keep listening, okay? I’ll be on watch after McG and the rest of the team gets here, but until then I need you to do it.”_

_He could hear the sound of running footsteps, the same urgency in them that had been in Jaz’s, and he knew another member of his team was coming. “Put someone else on watch,” he breathed. “Don’t let go of me.”_

_She gave a sharp little inhale, like something hurt, but her hand stayed firm and steady. “I won’t.”_

 

**Now:**

It was only as consciousness returned that Adam realized he must have actually _slept_. Deep, restful sleep, the kind he hadn't experienced in a hell of a long time.

The reason for the change, he was sure, was the weight sprawled across the length of him. They'd fallen asleep together on the couch, still fully clothed, their legs tangled together and her head resting against his chest. He could feel her breathing against him, slow and even, and Adam felt a rush of happiness as he realized she must have slept just as deeply as he had.

The hell of it was, they were going to have to move. He knew the team wouldn't be surprised, and had even been nudging them toward one another, but that didn't mean—

A sharp nudge from his instincts interrupted his thoughts, forcibly pointing out that someone was watching them. He cracked an eye open, realizing he'd been mistaken when he saw Amir, McG _and_ Preach staring down at them both with matching grins on their faces. Well, that was one barrier down – clearly, they all approved – but he had no idea how Jaz felt about them knowing. She’d had to work hard to get where she was, and even with the team she might not want to—

Before he could finish the thought, Jaz shifted her head slightly. “How many bets did you guys have going on this?” she asked, the words warmly amused and still just a little bit sleepy. She didn’t move as she said it, not even to lift her head a little, and it finally sank in that she didn’t mind at all if they knew. They’d still have to hide their relationship if they wanted to keep working together, but it was clear she wasn’t ashamed of it in the slightest.

Adam’s throat tightened. It was good other people were talking, because he didn’t think he could manage it just yet.

Amir’s grin widened at Jaz’s question. “We decided to suspend all bets in the name of greater good, actually.”

Preach nodded. “Our only goal was a overall increase in the team’s happiness level, which will stay high as long as you two master the art of being _very_ quiet at night.” He laughed when Adam and Jaz both flipped him off in unison. “See? You two were clearly meant to be.”

“Hey.” McG held up his hands, clearly just as pleased. “I was for anything that made it that you two finally got some sleep.”

“I hate you all.” Adam couldn’t stop the grin that kept sneaking onto his face, the pressure in his chest full of more warmth and light than it was used to holding. He and Jaz were beyond lucky, to have people like this watching their backs. “Amir better be making breakfast.”

Amir’s smile was softer now. “I’d planned on it.”

Then the three left, giving them some vague pretense at privacy, and Jaz tucked her arm back around him like she still wasn’t planning to move. “We have a few more minutes,” she murmured. “We should be able to tell by the smell when Amir’s done, but if we wait too much longer after that McG and Preach will have eaten it all.”

The easy contentment in her voice, the unspoken assumption that they would move as a unit, made his eyes sting. Jaz was the most fierce, independent person he’d ever known, and in all the time he’d known her she’d always jumped out of bed like she was stepping into a boxing ring with the morning. But she was here, with him, sounding like there was no place in the world she’d rather be.

When he didn’t respond, she lifted her head just enough to rest her chin against his chest. “You still with me?” she asked, the faintest trace of hesitation in her voice.

He swallowed, the truth sinking in that she wasn’t going to go anywhere. She’d chosen to be with him, all those times, and she was going to keep making that same choice over and over again.

Jaz was his family now. And, if he didn’t screw it up, he’d never have to let her go.

His voice was scratchy as he smoothed a bit of hair back from her face. “Always.”

She smiled at him, all the love he could ever possibly need shining in her eyes, and laid her head back against his chest. “Good,” she murmured. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a very comfortable pillow?”

He laughed, tightening his arms around her. “Somehow, it’s never come up.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [original fiction,](https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks) my [blog,](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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